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Joke of the Day

"My coworkers think it's funny they have power & I don't. I think it's funny how they won't get home to enjoy it cuz their tires are slashed."

"The Germanwings plane was a lot like a small flame used as an ignition source You know, 'cause it was a pilot light"

"I'd like my headstone engraved in Burger King font."

"""I bet all those murders are done by that hooded guy whose always running around rooftops w 17 weapons on him.""-Nobody in Assassin's Creed"

"What do you get when you cross Henry VIII and Vlad the Impaler? Executed."

"Where did the Fonz go for his drinking problem? A-AAAAAAYYYYYYYY"

"Did you hear about the 7' NBA star who married a blonde midget? He was nuts over her."

"Mum, where do I hang the clothes. The hanging line's gone. Son, just hang them in the gallows. No one would know."

"What is the difference between a vacuum cleaner and a drunk bass player? You have to plug one of them in before it sucks."