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Joke of the Day

"The Germanwings plane was a lot like a small flame used as an ignition source You know, 'cause it was a pilot light"

"Why can't Trump supporters ever get into higher levels of mathematics? Cause they can't grasp the concept of integration. (all credits to my friend if he reads it here but didn't post it himself!)"

"A: My dog had a nose surgery - B: How does he smell? A: Terrible!"

"Nigerian Billionaire Helps Rescue Failing Banks"

"Today we celebrate the birthday of a man who changed the way we see and understand the magic of the universe. Happy Birthday Isaac Newton."

"When someone texts ""whatcha doin"" after midnight the appropriate response is ""someone else"" even if you're just eatin' pizza all alone."

"my plan for the day is to lay on the floor and not move"

"Me: excuse me, but I can't taste the alcohol Clerk: all smoothies are non alcoholic here. Me: YOU SHOULDN'T CALL YOURSELF A BAR THEN!"

"[Arby's] BRO [jumping into car]: GO ME: it's lunch, not a bank heist B: they put EXTRA CURLY FRIES in the bag M: OMG I'm too pretty for jail"

"I just watched one bird chase another bird from tree to tree for five minutes. It was probably over a stolen tweet."