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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross Henry VIII and Vlad the Impaler? Executed."

"Snapchat is going public in March with a $30 billion IPO. Investors only hope the value of stock shares holds up longer than its snaps."

"[@ Sunbeam Bread factory job interview] Boss: Your resume says you are ""definitely not 3 ducks in a suit."" 3 Ducks In A Suit: That's correct"

"Why did James Comey refuse to indict Hillary Clinton? Because he found his suicide note in her Wikileaks emails."

"What would you call a social media marketing genius? Masterbaiter"

"What did Beyonce say when Jay-Z refused anal? If you liked it you should had put a ring muscle on it!"

"The hairdresser's oath First, harm no 'do..."

"I guess it's not socially acceptable to put my hand in the shape of a gun into my mouth in the middle of a conversation."

"The janitor lady for my apartment building asked me out on a date & said she had some weed. I told her I'm not into high maintenance women."

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman? Mick Jagger says ""Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!"", but the Scotsman says ""Hey! McCloud! Get off of my ewe!"""