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Joke of the Day

"Isn't it so weird when you're thinking about someone and then they suddenly appear?... Anyway, my sister in law just caught me masturbating."

"So I discovered that one of my herbs went off today. It was just a matter of thyme. xxx"

"Guinea Pig When I was five years old, my teacher asked me if I wanted to take the school guinea pig home. Seven months later, I arrived in the African republic of Guinea."

"A second date is probably not likely if your date pulls out and clutches a crucifix when you enter the room."

"What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine? The porcupine has the pricks on the outside. Credit to Top Gear."

"Did you hear about the Indian that drank 50 cups of Tea? He drowned in his Tea Pee."

"[Jesus at Last Supper] [holds up bread] This is my body [holds up wine] This is my blood [holds up Instagram pic] This was my breakfast"

"When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking. And then I saw her face."

"I was invited to a theater to watch a pornographic horror movie... But I was too scared to come."

"What do you throw a drowning aboriginal? His wife and kids"