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Joke of the Day

"A second date is probably not likely if your date pulls out and clutches a crucifix when you enter the room."

"My SO started smoking last night So I slowed down and applied some lube."

"If you say ""My Cocaine"" out-loud, you are also saying ""Michael Caine"" in his own voice - MIND OFFICIALLY BLOWN"

"What does your s*** smell like? Freedom."

"what do you call a gassy Scotsman? Bravefart"

"What do mathematicians drink? Anything to ease the pain."

"Whats the difference between pink and purple??? Your grip!!!"

"Stressed? Try this: Picture a lake at dawn. Ducks beginning to stir... Then drink 22 beers & drive your car into a church."

"My girlfriend said to me that she wanted me to tease her, so I said, ""All right, fatty."""

"Hanging out with Helen Keller always made me feel like such a hipster. She'd never heard of any of the bands I like."