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Joke of the Day

"""Did you watch Big Hero 6?"" ""No, I still haven't seen Big Hero 1-5."""

"""You always overreact and make things dramatic. It's really annoying."" *raises megaphone to lips* How so?"

"Old friend: I barely recognize you. ""That's the look I was going for. """

"""I Wish I Had Her Skin!"" - Teenage Girls & Serial Killers"

"What do you call an Asian in a tank? A chink in the armor."

"Some people say I am crazy Lucky for me, only I can hear them"

"Let me make this simple, I want to be invited but I don't want to go."

"How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? I don't know. It kept breaking my guitar strings so I gave up."

"OWNER: The museum's ready? ME: All the artichokes are in place OWNER: Ha, you mean artifacts [I slam the door shut] ME: U cannot go in there"

"Email subject line: ""Your invited."" Thanks, I'll bring an apostrophe and an e."