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Joke of the Day

"OWNER: The museum's ready? ME: All the artichokes are in place OWNER: Ha, you mean artifacts [I slam the door shut] ME: U cannot go in there"

"So I was walking down the street when..... Someone threw a block of cheese at me, so I turned and said, that's not very mature!"

"Even if you don't pay, they'll usually let you go through a car wash at least once a day without a car."

"My friend is addicted to brake fluid... ...but he says he can stop anytime"

"What did the Mexican fireman name his children? Jose and Hose B"

"Q: What does a blonde make best for dinner? A: Reservations."

"Where does Ben Carson spend most of his time on Reddit? /r/explainlikeimfive"

"What is it called when you are on the edge of WiFi signal range? Router Limits!"

"I bet all those girls that ignored me in high school would still be pretty pleased with that decision."

"What kind of parasites do gangstas get? Thug Lice."