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Joke of the Day

"When my kids ask what a word means, I tell them to bring me a dictionary. Then I smack them with it, and tell them to Google that shit."

"When is your mind like a rumpled bed? When it isn't made up yet."

"why did hitler commit suicide? Because he saw the gas bill (Thanks nofx)"

"What's the difference between having sex and killing animals? One is OK to do for fun but not OK to do for profit, the other is vice versa."

"Old Finnish Saying Do you know what's wrong with a Russian ass buzzer? It doesn't fit in your ass and it doesn't buzz."

"WIFE: Please stop. ME: Stop what? WIFE: Singing in the shower. ME: What's the big deal? WIFE: You're scaring everyone at Home Depot."

"Two fish are in a tank. One fish asks the other fish ""How do we drive this thing?"""

"Van Gogh was the original selfie king."

"*looks up from pestle and mortar ""Powdering this baby is HARD!"""

"3-year-old girl My 3-year-old niece, stomping her feet in anger, making faces. Me: What's wrong ? 3-year-old: NOTHING! Phew! she's already a woman :-o"