168783

Joke of the Day

"When is your mind like a rumpled bed? When it isn't made up yet."

"So I saw a black man running with a TV. Horrified I thought it was mine. But upon arrival home I saw mine was in its right place. Polishing my shoes."

"What's the opposite of Cristopher Walken... Cristopher reeve."

"Abortion jokes They really suck the life out of you"

"if u told me 20yrs ago that we'd have a black prez w/ the middle name Hussein, I'd have kept playing w/ my ninja turtles cuz I was 9 in 1993"

"What did the stoner drop when he listened to dubstep? Salt."

"Someone left a really nice couch out on the street so I went home and got a lamp and TV and this is where I live now."

"Why did the ghost get kicked out of the bar? 1. Because he was sheet faced. 1. Because he couldn't hold his boos. EDIT: Formatting."

"Customer: Waiter, theres a button in my salad... Waiter: It must have come off while the salad was dressing."

"Taking the Drivers test made me realize I wanted to be a race car driver..... ......the instructor was surprised at how fast I was driving."