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Joke of the Day

"My grief counselor died last week. Luckily, he was so good I didn't give a shit."

"My kid was saying they wanted an Omnitrix that let him change into pokemon So am like...you want to be a ditto?"

"I think my calculator is broken... The only numbers that seem to work are 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. It's very odd."

"Banned From the Para-Olympics Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Para-Olympics after they tested positive for WD40."

"I wrote 'WILL YOU MARRY ME?' on a balloon. However, before I could propose... -I popped the question"

"if the waitress at this brunch doesn't give me the Mother's Day special then I shaved my legs and stole this baby for nothing"

"My cat told me he's old enough to move out on his own now but then he said nah I'm just kitten"

"What's the difference between an Asian and a dumb white girl? The Asian try to get the A, but the white girl try to get the D"

"What did the hobo say to the prostitute? Hey girl, I'd sleep in that box."

"I run a nonprofit organization that helps keep homeless substance abusers warm during harsh winters. It's called Snuggies for Druggies"