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Joke of the Day

"My kid was saying they wanted an Omnitrix that let him change into pokemon So am like...you want to be a ditto?"

"Why does the bass fart a half-tone flatter than every other fish? He's got a **b** in front of his ass"

"I felt like a fool when I bought David Bowie tickets for my son and then remembered that he died last year... Even more so when I remembered that David Bowie died too."

"If you have time-stamped VHS footage of yourself blowing out birthday candles, you'll eventually be abducted."

"My friend took his grandmother to one of those health spas where tiny fish eat all the dead skin... It cost him $300, but it was a lot cheaper than a funeral..."

"A Rapist, a Pedophile and a Priest walk into a Bar. He orders a drink."

"Why was the baby elf sad? Because he was Legolas"

"I removed the shell of my racing snail to make it go faster. But it just made it more sluggish."

"What do you call an apple filled with cement? Hardcore."

"They were called Jumpolines until your Mom got on one."