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Joke of the Day

"I think my calculator is broken... The only numbers that seem to work are 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9. It's very odd."

"Imagine if every Sunday all your friends decided to only speak in a foreign language. That's how I feel during football season."

"What do you call a religious drug addict? A crystal methodist."

"What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a pimple? A pimple doesn't come on a boys face until he's 13"

"I popped into Tesco last night to get some oxo cubes but couldn't see any on the shelf, they must be out of stock!"

"You say potato, I say get the hell out of my bathroom"

"A man sees a blonde girl staring intently at a ice cube in her hand The man asks the girl why she's staring at the ice cube and she responds, ""I'm trying to figure out where it's leaking from."""

"What's the only thing in Australia that won't kill you? Old Age"

"What do you call a witch who lives at the beach? A sandwich."

"Why don't hipsters live in Alaska? Everything is cool there already."