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Joke of the Day

"if the waitress at this brunch doesn't give me the Mother's Day special then I shaved my legs and stole this baby for nothing"

"A guy walks into a doctors office with a carrot in his ear and a piece of celery up his nose. The doctor told him he wasn't eating right."

"I don't know why they are called smart phones, I dropped mine in the toilet and it didn't even try to get out."

"Some people say Steve Jobs died to early... but I'd say its an appropriate metaphor for his companies policy on battery life"

"So, a man with a baby newt on his head walks into a barber's... And says, ""Short back and sides, axolotl off the top."""

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Cicero ! Cicero who ? Cicero the boat ashore !"

"Why did the cheese get sent to the asylum? Coz 'e-mmental!"

"When I watch The Walking Dead I can't help but think those zombies are in way better shape than me."

"How does a tail pipe feel after a long car ride? exhausted."

"A magic tractor drives down the road.. and turns into a field"