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Joke of the Day

"DATE: This place is so fancy ME: Ever have a guy splurge on you before? DATE: Well, only when we didn't have a condom"

"Jew joke Why are Jewish men circumcised? Their women won't touch anything that's not 20% off"

"I know skinny jeans are fashionable... But as a slightly chubby man, I just can't seem to be able to pull them off"

"""God's last name is not Dammit."" Unknown"

"I started up a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are through the roof!"

"I can't get mad when I hear babies screaming in public because honestly, I feel the same way sometimes."

"Dad how it feels to have a awesome son? Dad: Ask your grandma."

"Holding down the power button until my device turns off feels like strangling someone until they stop breathing. Except I usually hope my device turns back on."

"I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet I don't know y"

"I often wonder if people at work can tell I'm using Tinder just by my hand motions... but then I realize they probably don't care WHY I'm masturbating."