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Joke of the Day

"Holding down the power button until my device turns off feels like strangling someone until they stop breathing. Except I usually hope my device turns back on."

"What's the difference between a hedgehog and a Ferrari? The pricks are on the outside of a hedgehog."

"""How come we live in a world where lemonade is made from artificial flavors & furniture polish is made from real lemons?"""

"Good news for insomniacs Only three more sleeps til Christmas!"

"How can you make your d bigger? CAPS LOCK"

"What did one dairy cow say to another? Got milk?"

"My friends call me an attention whore, but that can't be true Just look at me!"

"Asian women look 16 forever and one day out of nowhere look 159 years old."

"I lost 100 pounds with this simple trick I gave it to charity"

"I've been asking God to send me my soul-mate. Either he's not listening or we've got very different ideas on how she should look."