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Joke of the Day

"I often wonder if people at work can tell I'm using Tinder just by my hand motions... but then I realize they probably don't care WHY I'm masturbating."

"I would be so ashamed if I had a kid who didn't want to be famous."

"How many goals did Germany score? A Brazillion."

"A guy stopped me on the street today and tried to sell me a coffin... I said ""That's the last thing I need"""

"I'm addicted to wanking over leaflets. When I went into rehab, I got off to a flyer."

"My wife and I always fight about my socks on the floor, so I threw them at her. Was arrested after she told the officers I socked her."

"College cheerleaders look like no one has told them about human mortality yet."

"When people ask why I have a ""Trump 2016"" sticker on my car I say it's for safety. When i'm pulled over, it's the quickest way to tell the Cop i'm white."

"""Hey son, we really love you but we posted a picture of you on Instagram and nobody liked it which is why we're giving you up for adoption."""

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Becca ! Becca who ? Becca the net !"