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Joke of the Day

"[Hardware store] ME: I'll take one of those giant forks. WORKER: That's a rake. ME: I'm gonna eat so much spaghetti with that thing."

"Actually, I thought 50 Shades Of Grey was about Taco Bell meat."

"What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd have in common? Their last big hit was the wall."

"Who said ""Shiver me timbers!"" on the ghost ship? The skeleton crew."

"The Three Up's in life: 1. Show 2. Keep 3. Shut"

"TIL that 4/20 is Hitler's birthday. The jews definitely got baked today."

"I keep a photo of my mother flexing inside the charm of my necklace Because she is a strong, in the pendant woman"

"main difference between /news/ mods and north korea? one side executes people for no reasons and puts people in detentions camps, the other one is a country."

"A Girl In London Two men in a bar. One says ""A girl I met in London gave me a sexually transmitted disease"". His mate replies ""you were lucky, in Yorkshire you would have had to pay for it!"""

"I started to go to yoga today and then I remembered that I could lie on the floor in my own house without driving anywhere."