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Joke of the Day

"I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, ""Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"" I said, ""Wow! Then her friend said, ""She means 666-3629."""

"Why can't you eat soup in the Matrix... Because there is no spoon...."

"Looking for new roommates on Craigslist... ...is it too anal to ask whether or not they're into it?"

"Why did the man clean up after getting a sex change? He felt disorganized."

"Dad: Why is your January report card so bad ? Son: Well you know how it is. Things are always marked down after Christmas !"

"I really hate it when I have to go to work because my abundant wealth doesn't exist."

"12: I hate school. Me: Hey! Perk up! Years from now you'll look back on this as the best time of your life! 12: Now you're just being mean"

"What's an alcoholic's favorite novel? Tequila Mockingbird I made this up just now... I'm so excited about it."

"He's street smart. Sesame Street smart."

"SON: Is it true trees kill more people than wild animals do? [tree hiding in broom closet tenses up] DAD: Nonsense. [tree sighs in relief]"