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Joke of the Day

"I have a great ebola joke! You probably won't get it"

"Pot bellied pigs are gateway pigs to cocaine bellied pigs."

"If a group of lions is called a pride, then a group of humans should be called an embarrassment."

"What is someone doing when they are disposing of diseased radishes? Dropping some ill beets."

"*walks into son's room to find a recording of him snoring* Dear God *dials 911* Help, a wizard turned my son into a 90's cassette player"

"The Home Alone house is up for sale for 2.4 mil. I'd pay 2.5 (if I had it) just so I could say, ""Keep the change you filthy animal."""

"If the pen is mightier than the sword... ... Then why do actions speak louder than words?"

"Have you heard about that cop that shot the black guy? Which one?"

"I had to stop eating clocks, it was too time consuming."

"My sex life is a lot like the Olympic 100m final. I wait 4 years for it and it's over in less than 10 seconds."