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Joke of the Day

"Its funny how your parents tell you its their house, but as soon as something needs cleaning, it magically becomes yours too."

"My dentist told me I grind at night I was unaware he even saw me at the club"

"Sorry, ladies; I've never had a period. Can't relate. Had a semicolon once, after being hit by a bus, so I feel like that was pretty close."

"If Apple made cars they would be Swedish. The car would be called the iKia."

"I don't care what your bio says. You retweet me, it's not only an endorsement, it represents the views of your employer."

"What's wrinkly and hangs out your pants? Your mother."

"Where's the most racist place to focus one's thoughts? Inward"

"Confucius says... Confucius says: Learn to masturbate, come in handy."

"needs to stop keeping the cocaine next to the coffee creamer. I screwed up again. drinking a cup now and it has that weird milky taste."

"Why do black's have white skin on the bottom of their feet and the palm of their hands? Everyone needs a little bit of good inside them."