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Joke of the Day
"Somebody told me I'm horrible with names."
Next Joke
"If someone holds eye contact with you for longer than 3 seconds, make sure you urinate to establish dominance"
"I'm giving up negativity for lent. We'll see how long that lasts. Edit: aware it should be pessimism. This is a serious quote from a friend who didn't realise what she'd said."
"How do you turn a duck in to a soul singer? Put in the oven till it's Bill Withers."
"When you are dead, you don't know you are dead but other people do. The same applies when you are stupid."
"How can you tell a male dinosaur from a female dinosaur? Ask it a question. If he answers it's a male; if she answers it's female."
"What is the pirate's favourite letter? C"
"The inventor of Gogurt has died. He would like you to open his urn along the dotted line and splatter half the ashes all over your shirt."
"Where did Dr. Pepper get his degree? The University of Minnesoda"
"After an altercation with my boss, I decided to leave my job at the helium factory. I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice."