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Joke of the Day

"(Interview) Says here on your resume that you're unpredictable. (I take a squirrel out of my pants dressed as Batman) ""That's a rumor""."

"(Shaq wakes up, steps in front of the green screen in his bedroom, knocks out 20-30 commercials, begins his day.)"

"Why did the blind lady fall into a well? She didn't see that well."

"Why are the nordic countries the best countries to live in? Their flags are big plusses."

"What do you give a canine seeking meaningless validation on the internet? Pupvotes"

"What is worse than ants in your pants? Uncles in your pants"

"Who does a lobster have in common with a broken hearted chinaman? They are both crustaceans."

"How can I know hundreds of digits of pi But not know the digits of your phone number?"

"A joke my 4 year old came up with today... Him: ""What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?"" Me: ""I dunno, what?"" Him (loudly): ""An elephant sticking his trunk up!"""

"What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? He wiped his ass."