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Joke of the Day

"My Muslim girlfriend wants to blow me Should I be excited or call the cops?"

"If being successful was an amusement park, I'm the kid that drove his bumper car in the corner and can't get out."

"""First off I want to wish my opponent the best of luck and oh god. OH GOD NO"" - presidential candidate accidentally using their 3rd wish"

"A man tried to steal a bag of Chips He was foiled the very moment he opened the bag"

"Football is like sex By the end of it you'll be bruised, battered, and sore; but hey at least your dad came."

"What does smoking a cigarette and eating a pussy have in common? [NSFW] The flavor gets stronger as you get closer to the butt."

"When I'm happy, I drink and when I drink, I'm happy. Win/win!!"

"French toast is just like regular toast but with a tongue in it"

"Never understood the desperation behind placing ur order in English at KFC/McD. Heard a guy practicing his order while sanding in the queue."

"[police interrogation] ""What do you do for a living?"" ""Drug dealer."" ""Louder, for the tape."" [leans in] ""Bug healer. I heal bugs."""