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Joke of the Day

"""First off I want to wish my opponent the best of luck and oh god. OH GOD NO"" - presidential candidate accidentally using their 3rd wish"

"I went shopping yesterday and bought myself a ring binder. I haven't been able to do a shit since..."

"Why don't woman have urinals in their bathroom Because they would clog it up with their tampons. HA HA j/k"

"What do you call a cardboard belt? A waist of paper. -- ^(Credit: Shadow Warrior fortune cookie)"

"So, my friend who hasn't slept in 24 hours just blurted this out... Confucius say, don't leave the chronic masturbator behind. Horny man may come in handy!"

"The weather in New England meant they had to delay the victory parade for the Patriots. They must feel really deflated."

"What did the black man say to the white man? What the fuck is up with that orange motherfucker?"

"Seals are just dog mermaids."

"Nothing says ""I've given up"" like a fat person with a stomach tattoo."

"What's a gothic persons blood made of? Emoglobin"