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Joke of the Day

"When you're on a diet everything smells like cookies. Except the guy beside me on the city bus. He smells like sardines Delicious sardines"

"*calls boss* Me: I can't come to work. Boss: Why not? Me: Gotham city needs me. Boss: ...You're not Batman. Me: Oh, yes, yes, exaaaactly."

"Why didn't 2x befriend x^2 ? He had trouble integrating"

"What kind of dogs are full of Chinese scientists? Yellow labs"

"My professor told me my writing reveals my erudite nature. I explained that my birthstone is actually amethyst."

"When women say ""It's not what's on the outside, it's what's on the inside that counts"", we all know they are talking about a Man's wallets."

"These Blondes Are Dumb when i was penetrating them, they kept asking me 'is it in yet?'"

"What did the cat do when he swallowed some cheese ? He waited by the mouse hole with baited breath !"

"A waitress asks my son what he would like to eat, he replies ""I would like to devour the undead"".... He likes eggs.... Courtesy of my girlfriend"

"Dora the explorers parents don't give any kind of shit about Dora. She's 7 and she's flying planes and shit to South America with a monkey!"