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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a women's argument and a knife? The knife has a point !"

"*sees gf upset* Me: she looks mad, I should say something Brain: lol tell her she's overreacting Me: ok"

"Considering ""Thank You"" cards are a thing, I'm going to invent ""No, thank YOU!"" cards and people will send them back and forth forever."

"Capitalization is the difference between helping your Uncle Jack off a horse and helping your uncle jack off a horse."

"I had Taco Bell for lunch AND dinner. So yes. I've given up on life."

"There are two types of people I can't stand. Nosy people, and people who won't tell me what the hell they're whispering about."

"Learning how to say ""where the hell am I?"" in eight languages. Just in case."

"Do you know what a lot is? Two words."

"The cops were called... to the local childcare because a kid was resisting a rest. 30 minutes later the cops were called back because of an apparent kid-napping."

"Ever have a feeling like you've tasted that mustard before? That's called Dijon Vu."