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Joke of the Day

"There are two types of people I can't stand. Nosy people, and people who won't tell me what the hell they're whispering about."

"""I wish I had the money to buy a million watermelons..."" ""What will you do with a million watermelons?"" ""I don't want the watermelons, I just want the money."""

"I hate Russian dolls... They're so full of themselves."

"Why did the Libertarian Cross the Road? None of your Damn Business. Am I being detained?"

"My friend asked me if I wanted to skip class. I said ""nah, I think I'll pass."""

"Just vacuumed my couch and found 16 bobby pins, 84 cents, 3 kinds of cereal, a spoon and a live hedgehog."

"I met a pirate the other day that had a steering wheel in his pants. I asked him what that was. He said: ""rrrr ...i don't what it izz but it's driving mezzz nuts"""

"Why did Bill Cosby make his own Jell-O? Because his girlfriend was in a Roofie induced coma."

"What does Batman like in his lemonade? Just ice."

"Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? He used to lie awake all night wondering if there was a dog."