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Joke of the Day

"I want my boyfriend to get a tattoo on his neck so I won't have to worry about him getting a job and not having time to hang out with me."

"I've got the heart of a lion. And a lifetime ban from the San Diego zoo."

"Why does Ellen Pao play so much tennis? Its the only place she can get love."

"What popular board game do dyslexics hate? Scramble"

"Why should you distrust atoms? Because they make up an awful lot of stuff. EDIT: Because I forgot about neutrinos."

"If I can, and you can why Clark Kent?"

"My enemies are gonna be so sorry if I ever get out of this bean bag chair."

"A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. Still unsure as to whether or not that full stop adds to humorous effect."

"What's a polar bears favourite pasta? Penguini!"

"A kiss so passionate you have first degree burns from the melted cheese on the pizza."