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Joke of the Day

"Why should you distrust atoms? Because they make up an awful lot of stuff. EDIT: Because I forgot about neutrinos."

"I'm never more ruthless than when deciding who to wish a happy birthday to on Facebook and who to ignore."

"I dress up as a Girl Scout for my boyfriend, but just so we can practice our elaborate cookie heist."

"Who can make six figures a year and still be poor? A toy builder."

"What do you call an eight-legged insect holding a magnifying glass? A spy, duh."

"The only 'B' word you should ever call a woman is ""beautiful""... ...because bitches love it when you call them ""beautiful"""

"Did you hear the new penalty for speeding in Illinois? The first offense they give you Bears tickets and the second offense they make you use them."

"You shouldn't joke fat people. They have enough on their plate as it is."

"TIL that soldiers in Vietnam ate small amounts of C4 plastic explosive to get high. No wonder the US defense budget blew up so quickly."

"Why can't Helen Keller drive a car? Because she's Dead."