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Joke of the Day

"Well, it's that time of year again when people come up to me with their scary face and frightening clothes with their hand held out wanting money and shit. I hate my job at the welfare office."

"A woman and a duck walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""Where'd you get the pig."" The woman says, ""That's not a pig, that's a duck."" He says, ""I was talking to the duck."""

"That scene which she dies is full of suspense... What a breathtaking moment."

"When your partner cheats on you, do what every respectable person does. Post their name and phone number on 4Chan."

"Ian: It's done. Mafia boss: Did you go anywhere nice? I: What? MB: Like a restaurant. I: I killed him. MB: I said take him out! Oh god, Tim!"

"I know this Ethiopian family who are so poor they had to eat clay to survive. Afterwards they were all shitting bricks."

"I tried to keep this fart a secret.. but the news got out.. I guess it leaked."

"When you think your man is being romantic but really he just doesn't have electricity."

"she wants the D (director's cut)"

"What's Obama's favorite thing to do on the weekend? Socialize"