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Joke of the Day

"I like for my resolutions to be attainable so this year I resolve that I will neither become the pope nor will I become a cannibal."

"By the power vested in me by my credit card, I now pronounce you my new fluffy hat. You may now hug my head."

"Question: If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman around to hear him is he still wrong?"

"Im not your friend, buddy"

"Some asshole stole my mood ring. I'm not really sure how I feel about it."

"Christmas always sucked when I was a kid... I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents."

"Why do most men die before their wives? Because they want to"

"What did one sub-orbital jet propulsion engineer say to the other? This ain't exactly rocket science."

"when I have dinner with a vegetarian I order two steaks to use as a bun for my third steak"

"On Halloween I like to go to the store and buy apples and razorblades just to see the look on the clerk's face."