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Joke of the Day

"Why do most men die before their wives? Because they want to"

"What's the first thing I will desperately need to buy after winning the Lottery New pants"

"What do the mafia and a pussy have in common? One slip of tongue, and you're in deep shit."

"When someone in their 20's talks about ""old people"" they're talking about us."

"How many Jersey girls does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. They'll screw anything"

"Arjen Robben goes down easier than a thirsty tourist in Magaluf."

"If a deaf person gets arrested Does the officer still have to read them their rights?"

"*gives date flowers* Here. I murdered these plants for you."

"I used to complain about crying babies on airplanes but last week I was flying, both pilots died & a crying baby landed us on a soccer field"

"[having sex with centaur] ME: *man that fortune cookie was spooky accurate*"