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Joke of the Day

"Christmas always sucked when I was a kid... I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents."

"Me: Is there alcohol in this? Barista: ... No ma'am. Me: Can there be?"

"What do you call a computer that sings? A-Dell."

"The way my neighbors are making their trick-or-treating kids skip my door you'd think I was handing out ecstasy pills like last year."

"If I ever get arrested I am going to ask for a status update instead of a phone call."

"Walk up to the finest girl in the club and whisper, ""excuse me, can I get at that outlet behind you hon?"""

"I want to own a basketball franchise in Miami and I want to name the team humidy... Then when someone asks if its the heat I can go ""its not the heat, its the humidity."""

"Really funny joke What's Charlie Sheens middle name? Washingma Charlie Washingma Sheen"

"So I just moved to a new area... And as usual I had to tell everyone that I am a registered sex offender. Just kidding, nobody's found out yet."

"Apparently you can't get a sick leave just because you're sick of seeing everyone at the office."