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Joke of the Day

"Christmas always sucked when I was a kid... I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents."

"#Parenthood Throwing a ball to a two year old is like....well...playing ""throw a ball and go get it yourself""...."

"Customer: Why does your sign say ""Fine Dining""? Waiter: We can dream can't we?"

"Why couldn't the two melons get married? Because they cantaloupe! I'll see myself out now..."

"The neighbours dog has jumped up into my garden so much that he's totally destroyed the fence. Figured here's the best place to get it fixed as everyone is a certified reposter."

"""I can't wait to nail you later"" *whispers to the new picture I just bought*"

"Nothing makes you like a fat pig more than answering the waitress with hand signals while stuff yur face. ""so how is everything?"""

"How are children like cellphones? If you've lost one and haven't found it in a couple days, chances are it's probably dead."

"I will give Canada this. Their geese are hard to keep in a headlock."

"What's the first thing a cannibal does in the morning? Grab a cup of joe."