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Joke of the Day

"Don't be sad when you find expired food in your pantry. Be happy you outlived it."

"Today i started stalking guys. Not for any gay reason but it's so much easier to do. Women always complain, guys don't suspect a thing."

"Why did your sister refuse the gift of a Japanese car ? Because she'd never be able to learn the language"

"What language do bugs in the Middle East speak? Scarabic"

"My Wife's Accident The police knocked on my door last night, ""It looks like your wife has been in an accident,"" said one officer. ""I know,"" I replied, ""but she's good with the kids."""

"God wasn't trying to get Marry pregnant with Jesus. Turns out he was wearing a holey condom."

"How was my engagement the same as my divorce? In the end, I settled."

"My parents are so proud of me! I won a math debate."

"What is a frog's favorite dance? The Lindy Hop."

"What does a stripper do to her asshole before she goes to work? Puts the help wanted ads by the 12pack in the fridge and begs him for the millionth time to look for a job today."