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Joke of the Day

"My friend started a business in Afghanistan selling land mines that look like prayer rugs.. He says prophets are going through the roof."

"What's the difference between an egg and a root? You can beat an egg, but you can't beet a root!"

"Q: Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license? A: ""Oh it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!"""

"You gotta randomly lift your girl in the air, just to let her know you could throw her off a balcony if her phone ever went off after 11 PM."

"Woah! I can move stuff with my mind. Like, my legs."

"I shot a black teenager the other day I was arrested for impersonating a police officer."

"How do color blind people see porn? In fifty shades of gray"

"My daughter asked me what marriage is like, so I threw out all her Ken dolls, except for the bald drunk one."

"A mathematician walks into a pizza bar and orders one pi He receives two"

"I'm old enough to remember when a car on the back of a tow truck meant a transmission problem rather than repossession problem."