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Joke of the Day

"What do nosy peppers do? They get jalapeno business. :)"

"I win all games of strip-poker by starting out nude."

"So I walked in to a brothel.. And shortly after entering I began assaulting everyone in the queue...then...umm...shit nevermind, I just punched up the fuckline."

"My cat was looking for a place to sleep today, all she kneaded was my lap."

"I fucked this retarded chick last night I wanted my first time to be special"

"Ha, I told my brother that carbon had seven protons and he believed me. He was mean to me when we were kids."

"You're nice, cute & single? Can you introduce me to your friend who looks like he'd never return my texts? Yeah the one with the girlfriend."

"What do you call a guy with no arms, no legs, and sits in a pile of leaves? Russell."

"Whats the only problem with eating vegetables? Getting them back in their chair."

"How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose? 2 calves, an ass, a beaver, a whole bunch of hairs, and a fish that you just can't seem to find"