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Joke of the Day

"I fucked this retarded chick last night I wanted my first time to be special"

"A dyslexic, agnostic insomniac lay awake all night wondering if there is a dog. EDIT: Credit to David Foster Wallace."

"Why was the potato chip angry? Because he was salty Edit: im so sorry."

"What do you call a nice Canadian meal on a colorful roof? Poutina."

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his coffee? He drank it before it was cool."

"Doing LEGO with my son is like assisting during surgery. 6yo: Flat gray piece. Me: Here. 6: 5 square red blocks. M: Here. 6: I said RED!"

"A double entendre is when I don't know what the hell you're saying. Twice."

"Only a widow can say exactly where her husband is."

"It's impossible to slowly tiptoe around without activating T-Rex arms."

"Why is the letter E lazy? Because it's always in bed."