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Joke of the Day

"I love the metric system. It's the best by an absolute 1.6km"

"Two snowmen in a field, one turned to the other and said ""I don't know about you but I can smell carrots!"""

"I didn't think it was funny when I first wrote this one... I gair aunty this is gonna be five steps removed from swishing nebraskan listerine on a gold claim. ...I was right."

"What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? A hippo is very large and heavy, and a zippo is just a little lighter."

"""OMG why am I so sore?"" *Flashback to me doing five push-ups yesterday* ""Oh right."""

"Two WWE fans walk into a fight club They promptly get the shit beat out of them. Moral: Just because it's ""good"" entertainment does not mean an RKO will help you win a real fight"

"Why did the paralympic athlete loose the race? He didn't start off with the right foot. EDIT: Ortography"

"The barman says ""We don't serve time travelers here."" A time traveler walks into a bar."

"Why should Rihanna date the Edmonton Oilers? Because they don't beat anybody."

"I'm thinking of becoming a gynecologist....i hear there's plenty of openings."