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Joke of the Day

"""OMG why am I so sore?"" *Flashback to me doing five push-ups yesterday* ""Oh right."""

"A pen and a pencil race. Who won? The Pencil. He lead from start to finish."

"The NSA Agent Why couldn't the NSA agent leave the Russian airport? Because he got Snowden!"

"I would tell you a good cheesy joke, But I lactase"

"Blue cheese dressing makes anything a salad. For example, this french fry salad I'm eating right now"

"I had to change the battery in my clock. It was about time."

"Before I had a child, I never knew that quietly disposing of a balloon could feel so much like a murder."

"What do you call something that only 9 or 11 can fix? An untenable situation"

"I hope Fatboy Slim dies on the Hollywood boulevard halfway between the gutter and the stars."

"I can finally set my tivo to record ""the biggest loser""... ...kept trying to record the jets game"