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Joke of the Day

"The captain of a ship got into a fight with a one eyed monster... Once the fight ended and he had prevailed he said to himself ""I lost a lot of good seamen today..."""

"Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT"

"I was going to make a Casey Anthony joke but my mom would kill me"

"What is the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The Wheelchair"

"What animal do you look like when you get into the bath ? A little bear !"

"Did you hear about the terrorist comedian? He bombed on stage."

"What has webbed feet and fangs? Count Quackula."

"Life is like a box of chocolates If your fat it doesn't last very long."

"What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons? Jose and Hose B. It sounds better when said aloud."

"I put a Samsung Galaxy Note 7 inside a Samsung washing machine and now I own a nuclear warhead."