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Joke of the Day

"I tried to kill a spider with glitter spray... Now it won't stop stripping and I have to call it cinnamon."

"Watermelons and Catcuses There are two watermelons and two cacti. One cactus says to the other ""Damn look at those melons!"" The Watermelons reply ""Wow they're such pricks."""

"Two flies are sitting on a piece of shit One fly passes gas and the other looks at him, ""Come on man, I'm eating over here!"""

"I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on a carpet, but only for like 20 seconds..."

"I ate too much bread at the Indian restaurant during lunch today. It was a naan issue."

"If you were an Apple product You'd be an iSore."

"""You won't like me when I'm angry. Because I always back up my rage with facts and documented sources."" The Credible Hulk."

"We all exist due to a radioactive explosion that formed the universe and with endless posibilities... ...you're sitting on your computer reading jokes on the internet."

"What do you call a Mexican on a bike? a dirt bike"

"To my English teachers who encouraged me to create magical works of literature as a boy. Here is my 3,007th Tweet. You can be proud."