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Joke of the Day

"16: ""What was the internet like in the old days?"" Me: *opens door* *pushes 16 outside* *locks door*"

"Lesbian vampires What did the lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire? See you next month."

"Boy if these walls could talk I'd be like ""HOLY SHIT TALKING WALLS"""

"Why is Tumblr so unhealthy? It's full of trans fats."

"wife: Did you work late? [flashback to me missing my exit because the car in front of me had Shrek on and I wanted to see the ending] me:Yep"

"I'm not a fan of archery. It has too many drawbacks."

"What do you call a cheap vasectomy? A rip off."

"Show me on this lemon where life gave it to you."

"I was sitting in the traffic the other day That's why i got run over."

"Why did the prostitute cry after her customer left? He gave her the biggest tip she ever had"