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Joke of the Day

"wife: Did you work late? [flashback to me missing my exit because the car in front of me had Shrek on and I wanted to see the ending] me:Yep"

"I always keep a hammer in my pocket in case someone asks me to help them fix something so I can immediately break my leg."

"A sissy in a Prius terrormobile tried to race me at a stop sign. Had him for the first 100 feet, but a fella can only walk so fast. Merica."

"What do pirates do with their treasure in the winter? They BURy it"

"Why was the whittler banned from his synagogue? Because he made his rabbi a little cross."

"I don't understand why some snacks are ""fun-sized"", there's really nothing ""fun"" about having a smaller portion of food."

"PSA: Always tip your prostitutes. Small tips are fine. That's what they get paid for."

"What does my brothers wife and a Chevrolet have in common? They're both extremely high maintenance"

"Weird Computer Error UK.eu has unexpectedly stopped working"

"100% legal to pay a kid to punch another kid in the face."