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Joke of the Day

"Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don't come to work :("

"I used to be into bestiality, sadism, and necrophilia... But eventually I realized I was beating a dead horse."

"This mop seemed a lot more exciting on the infomercial."

"I got my dog vaccinated... ...I think she might have paw-tisim now."

"Did you hear the one about the Easter Bunny who sat on a bee? It's a tender tail!"

"Why did the robot become a museum curator? Because he was an Art-Offical Intelligence"

"Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and they will never notice. Call her ugly once and she'll never forget. Because elephants never forget."

"What kind of bird does not make babies? A swallow"

"The worst is when you wake up hung over and you didn't even drink the night before."

"Relationships are like algebra You always look at your x and try to figure out y."