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Joke of the Day

"What did the egg say to a pot of boiling water? ""I'm not ready to get hard yet, I just got laid!"""

"2 Scottish cows in a field: which one is on holiday? The one with the wee calf."

"I love getting kisses from my dogs but, I'm starting to worry about the one who keeps trying to give me the slow tongue."

"Why was the restaurant called ""Out of this World""? Because it was full of Unidentified Frying Objects."

"""This is mine"", he growled passionately into her ear. ""Are we clear?"" Breathlessly, she agreed. She wouldn't try to eat his nachos again."

"With a name like Progressive, shouldn't the commercials be better by now?"

"Hi everyone, I'd like to announce that I'm dating my very first professional model... she's a 'before' model, can't wait to see how she'll turn out!"

"This joke came to me while waiting on my iphone repair at the Apple store.. What do people at the Genius Bar drink from? -Einsteins"

"What do you call a fight between a Mexican and a child molester? Alien vs Predator"

"The original title for Star Wars was ""Skywalker: Texas Ranger"". Starring Chuck Norris."