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Joke of the Day

"I wish chlamydia was as hard to get as it is to spell."

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"Whenever it rains my girlfriend just stands at the window looking sad. Maybe I should let her in."
"A group of lions is called a pride. A group of my family members is called an embarrassment"
"I've been tanning I'm getting so dark I'm afraid of getting shot by the police"
"A sober Irishman arrives goes home after work... That's it."
"When I was a little boy, my dad taught me that any little boy or girl, even me, could grow up and become President someday... I'm starting to believe him."
"How did Dairy Queen wind up pregnant? Burger King didn't wrap his Whopper"
"He died doing what he loved, trying to use a hammerhead shark for carpentry"
"What's in a name? Mainly, letters that make sounds."
"I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago... ...and so far all it's been doing is gathering dust."