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Joke of the Day

"*Trains lightning bugs to spell* Karen, they have a message for u WILL YOU M- ""Omg Yes!"" OVE OUT? Oh good. Here I packed your bags already."

"Anthropic principle: the universe must be as it is in order for us to perceive it Anthropomorphic principle: look, I'm a talking principle!"

"What's your favorite color?"

"What does 90 year old Pu$$y taste like? Depends..."

"The Last Man on Earth I wouldn't mind being the last man on Earth. At least I'd find out if all those girls were telling the truth."

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom ... because the ""p"" is silent"

"Interview Employer: ""This is an important job, we need someone who is responsible."" Applicant: ""I'm the one you want! At my last job, every time there was a problem, they said I was responsible."""

"Have you guys seen the Hitler biopic starring Mike Tyson? I just watched it and I don't think Mike really got his character down. He kept saying he hated juice."

"I sleep better naked. Why is this flight attendant unable to understand that?"

"Call your son Jack So you can drop your wife and Jack off every morning. (Actually heard a friend said that)"