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Joke of the Day

"I have to put reminders in my phone for everything or I'll forget it. Like 'pick up milk,' 'go to bank,' 'you don't hate minorities.'"

"What do you call Batman when he ditches church? Christian Bale"

"As a Jew, I love bagels... They're one of the holeyest foods."

"I like my men like I like my external hard drives... Solid state, and to dump all my history on. history"

"How do you catch a refrigerator? Well then you better go catch it! Hahaaa"

"Women I sleep with get so weird when I ask them to sign the guestbook."

"Q: Did you hear the slogan for the the new ""Stealth Condom?"" A: ""They'll never see you coming."""

"elder master! someone took a crap in the village's water supply! ""well, shit!"""

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? R? You'd think that but it's the C."

"Me- ""Sorry I can't"" Friend- ""Why not?"" M- ""Working on my book"" F- ""Neato! What about?"" M- ""It's a collection of ways to escape obligations"""