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Joke of the Day

"Girl, if I could rearrange the alphabet I probably wouldnt: I'm not that smart and people are already mad at me from other stuff I did"

"Just found my birth certificate. Ugh, it's official: I've gained weight."

"I'm so happy I'm not as cool as you. Because then I'd be a huge fucking asshole."

"A little guitar humor I broke a g-string trying to finger A minor"

"You know you have a drinking problem if the bartender knows your name.....and you've never even been to that bar before."

"The narcissistic cannibal started to eat his own body but stopped because he was already full of himself"

"I hate it when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I'm not even an actor."

"I don't like gears on a car, and I hate using them. They've just always looked shifty to me."

"The bartender says ""I'm sorry, we don't serve faster-than-light particles here."" A tachyon walks into a bar."

"*illegally downloads a social life*"