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Joke of the Day

"I'm so happy I'm not as cool as you. Because then I'd be a huge fucking asshole."

"What is Error 619? When your kid sleeps in between."

"Why did the dyslexic Italian prisoner of war never get rescued? Because when his commanding officer read his letter saying he was now a WOP, it was assumed that he had expatriated."

"How does a mathematician deal with constipation? The same way he deals with all his other problems. He works it out with a pencil."

"How do you top a car? tep on the brake, tupid!"

"Thought I heard reggae music coming from the office... ...but it was just the printer jammin'"

"How do stick men play fetch with their dog?"

"A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water."

"I'm getting the band back together.... We're called New Direction."

"Hello. I'm the guy who sleepeats thousands of spiders every year and screws up the average for everyone. Sorry for scaring you."